Self-talk refers to your inner-dialogue. Oftentimes your inner voice reflects your internal biases and judgements. Therefore self-talk is something we do throughout the day.
This could be planning your day mentally, reminding yourself of things that need your attention or observations.
Self-talk doesn’t always reflect your true feelings or opinions, but learned biases, passed down by your parents. Or a reflection of things you are constantly hearing.
The 3 types of self-talk
There are 3 common types of self-talk; neutral, positive and negative.
Neutral self-talk
These are general observations you make throughout the day. Like recognising the cold or a smell. Basically these thoughts have neither positive or negative connotations.
Positive self-talk
These are thoughts that make us feel good about ourselves and our environment. It is focused on treating yourself with kindness and compassion.
They can help us mitigate the effects of stress and anxiety and fend off feelings of depression. Positive self-talk greatly improves your quality of life. For example you might say “You’ve done well today”, or “that didn’t go to plan but what can you do differently next time?”
Negative self-talk
It can take many forms and can sound like the musings of your inner-critic. Therefore it limits your ability to believe in yourself and reach your potential.
Moreover, it diminishes your ability to make positive changes and lowers your confidence. With lower confidence, it can have harmful effects on your mental health and increase feelings of stress, anxiety and lead to depression.
Negative self-talk can also alter your perception of reality, making you think others are out to get you or even hold grudges against you, due to your own preconceived notions.
The effect on athletes
As one of my clients said:
“I’ve tried sports psychologists, read over 15 self-improvement books, I’m constantly trying to understand my mind and the minds of those that are successful, but the biggest lesson I’ve learned from working with Mike is that my biggest asset is myself and I can tap into that without any special tactics or interventions when I let go of the habits and social constructs I’ve aligned myself with. My wellbeing is 100% better”
Through recognising his biggest asset is himself, he took back control of his inner dialogue and created change in a way that worked for him.
To find out more about self talk visit us by clicking here
The picture suggests even in old age you can enjoy sports but I wonder of these two ever struggled when they were younger?
When you’re struggling, something needs to change
Change comes with doing something differently and thinking differently
What can we determine as needing to do things differently?
Drawing on my experience I’ve identified a few situations athletes find themselves in including
Losing confidence in ability
Losing a sense of purpose and identity
Cracking under pressure
When I write about creating change I have to acknowledge there are other ways you can get help. Sports psychologists, CBT are two examples.
NLP or Neuro Linguistic Programming is a way you can overcome your challenges
What benefits can you experience with NLP? The athletes I’ve worked with told me
My wellbeing is 100% better
I won my first ever MVP
I’ve not had any anxiety since
I’ve never shot the ball this well
Each athlete I’ve worked with is unique and each had their perspective of what was wrong and what needed to change but with specific questioning and listening, the athlete was able to find the answers to the questions they dared not to ask before
I love NLP because there is no one size fits all approach. There is no one strategy that works for all athletes yet the outcomes are often the same – a sense of recognition that things will be OK and they should have done something sooner
It’s almost like they are different people! Imagine knowing you had a button but were scared to press it. But you knew if that button was pressed, your troubles and worries would disappear and your performance would improve
NLP gives you the confidence to press that button
As a former high level athlete and professional coach, I have an insight to the challenges you face and with the training in NLP and emotional intelligence, combined with being an introvert, my listening and observations skills are heightened, meaning I can create the perfect environment for a you to open up and allow me to guide you
No professional athlete deserves to suffer because your lively hood will be at risk in this competitive environment in which you can be let go or left to one side at the drop of a hat, so giving yourself the best chance to succeed is a no-brainer
If you have no idea about NLP and you’re struggling, my suggestion is simple
Reach out to people and find a solution that works for you
Now is the perfect time to consider coaching using NLP
We are coming out of lock down, competitions are starting up and you’ll be ready for your next competition
In the ten years I’ve been coaching, there have been players that have learned more about themselves in the 6 weeks they work with me than they have in their sporting careers
Testimony
The testimony from a professional basketball player was evidence of this observation and now I want you to access the same secrets he was able to unlock in just 6 weeks. Click here to read his testimony
But there’s a bonus!
Quick results
The course is available online by clicking here and you can go through the content in a lot less than six weeks
But going through the course, listening to the highly informative content and making notes won’t be enough unless you take action
Your actions
Taking action is the one thing that will set you apart from those who like the idea of improving and those who actually improve
Reminder
Here’s another chance to access this course that takes the useful parts of personal development, removes the useless parts, (I hate wasting time) and gives you a unique course you won’t find anywhere else yet gets powerful results. Click here
This is my opinion drawn fromy years experience of playing, coaching and helping athletes and there are some commonalities and obvious things like working smart, earing the right food, training with purpose
But an elite sports mind doesn’t have to belong to an athlete that’s an elite performer
Of course the elite level is the best of the best but you don’t suddenly become the best
There are steps you need to take and you have to start somewhere
So where do you start? What do you have to know to help you create that Elite Sports mind?
There are many variables and factors that drive someone towards or away from building this mindset so let me share with you the three key variables that I believe helps anyone create that Elite Sports mind
Have a need or desire to improve
Have an open mind to learning new strategy and perspectives
Have the ability to put your new learnings into action
Growth occurs when you’re ready to grow
Growth occurs when you’re ready to challenge your current beliefs and values
Growth occurs when you come out of your comfort zone by thinking and acting differently
I’ve known Mike over the years as someone who has always tried to help when he can, I believe that I needed his advice and knowledge to push me in the right direction at a point in my life when I was ready to make a change for the better.
Had you tried using other methods to help you in the past and what were they? I’ve tried sports psychologists, I’ve read over 15 self improvement books, I’m constantly trying to understand my mind and the minds of those who are successful, but the biggest lesson I’ve learnt from working with Mike is that my biggest asset is myself and I can tap into that without any special tactics or interventions when I let go of the habits and social constructs I’ve alienged my self with.
What reservations, if any did you have around the coaching? Be honest. I don’t have any reservations really, I believe he does a great job of communicating bit also at balancing listening with talking to me. Sometimes I just need an ear to speak to and vent my thoughts out loud.
What 3 factors about the coaching delivery style stood out for you 1) The simplistic nature of the conversation, not using fancy words or over complicated explanations. 2) His calm nature when speaking made me feel at ease even when before the call I was quite stressed. 3) His availability, it’s something that goes under appreciated but with my ever changing schedule around training Vs personal life it was great to be able to be so flexible with timings.
The coaching is aimed at improving performance and wellbeing. How did the coaching affect your performance and wellbeing? My performance was always something that I judged by stats, now I judged it by my mental state. If I’m in a good mental state it doesn’t matter how i play because my experience will be what I want it to be regardless of the stats. My well being is 100% better because each day I’m just being myself and there’s no bugger comfort in a world filled with false high expectations and fakery.
If you were to recommend Mike to other professional athletes, what would you tell them to expect? To find their true self by removing the unnecessary baggage the world around them has added to their backs.
Do you know a professional athlete who would benefit from this coaching?
What you say to yourself matters. Henry Ford said:
whether you think you can or whether you think you cannot, you’re right.
In sports there are 3 defining challenging moments you’ll experience – pressure losing and mistakes. It’s inevitable. You’re not going to win every competition so knowing what to do in these 3 key moments will either propel you forward or drag you back.
In this blog let’s consider handling pressure.
Your mind drives your performance and actions. Imagine a finely tuned car, a super car ready to race and show the world what it’s capable of. It’s shiny exterior and powerful engine is ready for action.
But it needs a driver. It needs someone that understands the car like the back of their hand, someone whos in synch with the electronics and workings.
But the driver is nervous.
He’s cracked under pressure before and now with this brilliant car he feels even more pressure. There’s expectations from the team owner, his coach, the sponsors for him to win.
But he wants to give it a go. He says to himself this time will be different. This time he will win.
When we experience pressure one of two things will happen.
You either feel stress and anxiety or you thrive
Some people love pressure. They step up and take responsibility for what’s about to happen and can deal with the success or failure that follows.
Some shy away from pressure leaving the decisions to others.
When I was 15 a long time ago our school basketball team had come from 19 points down to tie the game in the national school final with just a few seconds remaining.
I drove to the basket, jumped and was fouled and hit the floor. 2 free throws to come but as I went to get up off the floor, I couldn’t! My legs were tight and I had no idea what was going on!
Turns out I had cramp. I’d never had cramp before so I was panicked but after my assistant coach helped me I stood up and composed myself. If I missed it would leave the door open for the opponents. If I made them, we’d have the advantage. I went to the free throw line and nailed both go give us a 2 point lead which helped us win the game.
This was my first experience with pressure and I was balanced calm and focused and carried that perspective forward ever since.
Pressure is a perspective of your situation and those that thrive welcome those moments.
We live in the moment, we exist in the moment, yet it’s easy to get distracted by the past or think too far into the future and I want to start with talking about the importance of recognising where you are because when you accept your reality, you can begin to set realistic and achievable goals.
I want to talk about goal setting because in sports, goal setting is important to help us gauge our growth and development and this gives us a sense of purpose and accomplishment. How great does it feel when you accomplish a goal? I’m right handed and remember practicing to make a left hand layup, a shot in basketball. I was in the school gym with my mate in the lunch hour and it started off with a simple question, shall we practice left hand layups. So we started. Of course we sucked at them! Hitting the bottom of the ring, missing the ring completely, but all the time we were adjusting and repeating until we eventually got one in! And although we managed to make one and accomplished our goal, we instinctively wanted more. Making one wasn’t good enough so now could we make three in a row.
We tried, we made one, maybe two before finally making three and again, goal accomplished. But we wanted more.
The goal now was to be consistent.
After being consistent could we make them under pressure
Then could we make them in games?
Our reality was very much in the moment, and we didn’t assume we could go straight into a game and make left hand layups, we had to learn the basics and fundamentals before moving on and the recognition of our reality kept us grounded.
How often do you compare yourself to others? How does that make you feel?
It’s easy to begin to compare yourself with others who are either more successful than you or not as good as you then begin to judge yourself based on your judgements of others which isn’t fair on you because their journey to where they are was very different to yours.
This unfair comparison can raise anxiety through thinking you’re not good enough, or bring a sense of complacency thinking you are so much better, but when you focus on your journey, your needs, your goals, improving becomes something you can control and feel at ease with.
Be proud of where you are, be accepting of your current level of ability and if you really want to improve set yourself realistic targets based on your needs.
Thanks for listening and remember to Take action, Reflect, Adjust and repeat
Being an athlete requires some level of dedication but dedication doesn’t necessarily equate to improving.
I see many athletes, going through the motions and ‘competing’ yet they don’t improve and I always ask the question why do they play, and over the years there’s some commonalities I’ve learned that stop a person from improving.
Here are my top 7 tips to improving your sports performance
Have a need or desire to improve – I’ve learned some athletes are content being where they are and their current performance level and that’s fine. Each to their own so to speak but these people don’t have a need or desire to improve. They have a desire or need to stay the same and until that desire or need to improve, becomes greater than the desire or need to improve, good luck to them!
Have an open mind to learning new concepts and perspectives – If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got, said Henry Ford, the automotive tycoon. When you go through the same training routines at the same level of effort, having the same attitude towards training and playing, you will always get the same outcomes. Improving involves pushing yourself to come out of your comfort boundaries which means learning how to think and act differently.
Take action – It’s one thing to learn new concepts and strategy and a whole new ball game when you actually take action. I see some athletes learning new strategy then when the moment comes, they fail to take action. There are a few reasons why this happens
Perspective; don’t fear the change, embrace the opportunity – When you learn a new concept or perspective, one reason that stops a person from taking action is fear. Some people don’t like change because it takes them away from what they know and what’s comfortable, yet no-one ever improved by staying comfortable in their own bubble. Change should be seen as an opportunity and with this opportunity comes excitement
Know the power of self-talk – As we just realised, the perspective of approaching a new situation can elicit fear or excitement which ties in with the power of self-talk. What you say begins a series of thought processes and your synapses begin to fire which release emotions. When you talk about fear and negativity, your body and mind will begin to act in a way to protect itself, to keep it safe, but when you talk about opportunity and excitement, your mind and body will begin to act in a way that helps you grow and improve. But beware, if improving your self-talk is new to you, your old thinking habits may try to hijack you and drag you backwards. Stay strong and practice positive self-talk
Know your coach probably doesn’t have the solutions to your need to improve – This harsh reality is common for many competitors and although there are some coaches that understand what it takes to improve, many are too focused on strategy, techniques and plays, leaving players frustrated. As a player you have a right to understand what the coach wants from you and it’s reasonable to ask your coach questions. Some coaches believe they are the be all and end all of communication, placing themselves onto a pedestal, creating an environment where the coach tells the player what to do and the player complies with their instructions. This style of coaching is becoming obsolete as a new breed of coach understands the value of listening to players and understanding their perspective. The question you can ask any coach to help you improve is “what can I do to help the team?” The answer will prompt a new thought from the coach and the answer he gives you will give you clarity on your next moves
Don’t follow the crowd for the sake of it – To improve means doing things differently and if that means doing things that the crowd don’t do, then go and do it. As a younger basketball player I took on many of the tips I’m sharing with you now and at only 5′ 7″ in a game full of much taller, stronger players, I had to do things differently but it was this different approach that led me to be voted the MVP of the England U19 basketball team at a tournament in Etten Leur, Holland. Learn to be bold and set your own standards
BONUS
As you learn and grow, you will make mistakes but know a mistake is just an act that didn’t give you the expected outcome at that moment in time. Go again and make the necessary adjustments.
Are you ready to improve but want some support?
Here at Elite Sports Minds 23 we have created the NEAT System – a proven system that gets results. To find out more click here
If it was, everyone would be playing at a much higher level, everyone would be thriving in life and leaders would be inspiring their teams and productivity would be high. But not everyone makes change easily. People create barriers, excuses and reasons, limiting the ability to change.
The first question that springs to mind is ‘why’ and it’s the answers that tell the story. But before we get into that we need to dig a little deeper.
Before we ask the obvious question ‘why’, we must delve into your psyche and find out if you have a desire or need to change because without that desire, change won’t happen.
The mere thought of change can instil a sense of fear and uncertainty. The fear of the unknown is greater than the desire to change and until the desire to change becomes greater than the fear of the unknown, you’re going to continue with your life as it is.
So the question becomes
“How do I overcome that fear?”
Beliefs And Values
Throughout your life, you’ve experienced many things and through these experiences you’ve created beliefs and values and it’s these beliefs and values you hold today.
For example how you treat others, how you train, what you eat but most importantly how you make decisions.
There are some people that know how to create change quickly and get what they want. They just know what it takes and they thrive. Perhaps you can think of one of those people now?
These people have something in common and it’s this I want to teach you, so you can create that change you desire.
Remember earlier when we asked why everyone isn’t creating change to improve.
Those beliefs and values you created are holding them back. When a belief or value holds you back we have a name for them. These are called limiting or mistaken beliefs.
Creating change also involves being uncomfortable. You are where you are because your values and beliefs give you comfort. They form part of who you are and being you is comforting. To get different results you have to learn to be “comfortable being uncomfortable“, to step out of your comfort zone so to speak.
Many people perceive coming out of their comfort zone as this huge, scary monster, where emotions will run wild and the world come crashing down leaving a huge chasm of emptiness and pain.
In reality, coming out of your comfort zone is simply thinking differently, experiencing different emotions and acting differently and only lasts a few moments.
Would you be willing to experience a few moments of discomfort to remove yourself from the discomfort you’ve been experiencing for some time?
The Pro Basketball Player’s Story
Photo courtesy of BBL
I remember a professional basketball player writing in his weekly column in a newspaper and in this particular column he wrote about his frustrations in his form. He was known as a scorer and had played for England but he couldn’t get out of his slump and was averaging about 5 points a game. He was stuck and didn’t know what to do.
We connected and spoke for about 45 minutes and all the time we spoke I was listening to his words, asking specific questions with the aim to discover what his limiting or mistaken belief was that was holding him back.
We uncovered the problem and once we did that we began to reframe his thoughts to create a new belief.
On a side note, the relationship between player and coach should be one of respect and trust and mutual understanding because to win and be successful, you need respect, trust and mutual understanding.
Although these three ingredients existed, a simple miscommunication created a mistaken belief and from this belief the player began to behave in a way that supported this belief because he respected, trusted and understood what his coach wanted.
This coach wasn’t trained to explore the ‘why’ and in general many coach programs don’t have these strategies in place which, in my opinion isn’t right. As a coach in any sport, and one of your players is struggling, surely you’d want to know why and how to help, so they can begin to perform well and the team will get more wins? Or is it easier and quicker to bring in an expert?
If there are any coach educators reading this, I’d be happy to discuss ways to integrate these concepts into your program.
We broke down his mistaken belief and reframe his thoughts, creating a new belief, leading him to explode for 20 points, hitting 100% from the field. He kindly wrote in his column and I invite you to read for yourself here the impact it had on his game and to this day, working and helping an England player remove his mistaken belief allowing him to play like he knew he could play, is one of my proudest moments.
He was able to overcome his fear through understanding and accepting 3 principles.
He had a desire to change
He had an open mind to learning new concepts and perspectives
He was willing to put them into action
He was willing to be uncomfortable for a few moments and create different emotions that allowed him to create change in his performance
He was able to think, feel and act differently.
“It’s the thought of change that will drive you forward or hold you back. Taking action is the simple part”
You can remove the fear of change by giving yourself permission to learn and accept these three principles and be uncomfortable for just a few moments.
let’s recap and list the 4 steps you need to take to create change
Have a need or desire to change (Use the exercise below)
Have an open mind to learning new concepts and perspectives
Accept you’ll come out of your comfort zone but understand that discomfort only lasts a few moments compared with the length of time you’ve been experiencing discomfort or frustration
Put these new concepts and principles into action
Have you had enough of your current situation and want change?
If you feel there’s still doubts but you realise you’re ready to make change, and would like to find out if what I offer can help, get in touch and let’s make things happen.
Do you know someone that’s struggling? Please share this as it could help.
“Coincidence may be described as the chance encounter of two unrelated causal chains which miraculously, it seems merge into a significant event.”
Arthur Koestler
Scratching The Wallpaper! Argh!
Call With Sam
It’s Thursday evening and I feel my time is becoming more limited as I continue to build contacts which is leaving me with things to do, which may impact on my ability to post every day in this blog, albeit two days behind reality. This will be posted on Sunday.
However I remind myself my quest is to become the most sought after mental performance specialist, so lack of time is a good thing!
I spoke with my mate Sam who’s now in Abu Dhabi, (Note – I wrote he lives in Dubai in my last post, apologies) well, he’s back in Wigan now, sent home during Covid-19 but hopes to get back out there and do his thing.
He told me in Cross-Fit there is a fine line between winning and losing and there are stresses and anxieties that exist at the elite level, and I’m sure at the amateur level as well but it’s these two components that exist in all sports and I recognised a need for having a neutral person to talk things through can make a world of difference, which is why I do what I do.
I used to be the best player in England and can argue I’ve been to the top and although I can’t compete as I used to, I can coach others to improve quickly and overcome stress and anxiety.
No matter what sport you play, the issues are all the same. Different sport, same issues and I often think about how it is, what it is.
Let’s me explain…
Is Your Belief Limiting Your Potential?
When you play at a high level, you’ve done a lot to get there and there’s an expectation put on you from others, but also from yourself to continue to compete at that level, if not improve.
You have formed beliefs around how to train and compete yet when you feel stuck, a sense of frustration can kick in, and if not dealt with, can lead to stress and anxiety as you continue to search for a solution, but non are forthcoming, so your mind sits in this place of frustration.
Imagine if you will, a glass door in front of you. You can see where you want to go but you don’t have the key to open the door. Others have given you keys but non fit. You tried making your own keys, but to no avail. You’ve put so much time and energy into finding the right key, you begin to create the illusion, getting through the door, just isn’t possible. You accept this is just as good as it gets and you see others, walking ahead of you.
The answer lies, not in finding the key to the door, but in finding a way round it.
But people are stubborn and set in their ways and will often tell themselves, it’s not possible rather than take a different perspective because the emotion formed from the belief they formed many years ago is stronger than the emotion needed to take a new perspective.
People like to hold onto beliefs formed years ago in very different circumstances, even when they serve no purpose in today’s situation.
Sam said he’d connect me with some of the top competitors in the sport which I’m really excited about to learn more.
Basketball Team Developments
I also had a great conversation with a person who can help me set up the basketball team as a CBS (Community Benefit Society). In the last year although we found success on the court, winning the league and gaining promotion from the fourth tier of british basketball to the third, I felt there were other ways we could engage our community and fans and also give back to others. I had no idea a CBS existed until I had a conversation at the right time with someone at Bury AFC who have established the same model.
I’m excited because this gives us an identity of one that matches our beliefs and values and can help drive us forward.
There is lots to do and explore but this new perspective has given me a new sense of hope and direction and a way to give back because there are three things I want to accomplish
Do what I love to do (help others)
Attract value in the form of money to do what I love to do
Give back
Two out of three isn’t bad..i Just need to tick off one more!
Another Iron In The Fire
I do have another iron in the fire so to speak with someone who has a passion for football and doing the right thing. Weirdly he knows some people in basketball that I played against or with. I’m finding more people in football, know people in basketball. Maybe There’s something in this connection???
If you like to read and learn about the business that is football, I strongly urge you to check out his website www.football4football.com
Over the last three days, I’ve been busy stripping walls, preparing them for painting and wallpapering, then painting and wallpapering them and after some incidents that involved scratching a piece of wallpaper I’d just stuck to the wall, and having to take it down, cutting a new piece, I’m done!
Time for some me time. I enjoy the peace and quiet of sitting and just being. No phone, no TV, just a few moments with my own thoughts.
Elite Sports Minds 23 